msandmylife.org

Lately I have been feeling tired, drained, dizzy. Lately I have been waking up with a headache. Lately I have not been able to get anything accomplished. Lately it feels like I am letting everyone down. Lately I have been doing nothing but sleeping. Lately it feels like my condition is getting worse. Lately won’t last for ever I hope.

Every single day my back hurts, sometimes my head hurts. I’m dizzy most days, fatigue all the time. These things make everyday little things seem so hard to do. I try my best to do what I can do, but sometimes things have to wait until later. Everytime I get s headache I wonder if my MS is getting worse. I wonder if my brain is developing more lesions. I wonder if my condition is going to be the same in the next couple of hours. Every Single day is different, but every single day I manage to get things accomplished.

I woke up cooked breakfast, did some cleaning, did laundry, then I crashed because all the energy I started with was gone. This is how most of my days start, I started a medication that I take in the morning for fatigue, but honestly I feel like it doesn’t really work. Most days I still have no busy burst of energy. Most days I want to stay in the bed, if I didn’t have bills to pay or a family to take care of. I would stay in the bed all day. When my day starts out good, I feel like I get a lot of things done, that I did not get done all week. I have to put a lot of things off for the day, but when I wake up feeling good, I eventually get it done.

my social life is non existent. All I want to do is sit in my house and not be bothered. Mostly because I don’t feel like doing anything, I don’t want to walk around, I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to be social. Is this because of my MS, maybe not, I’ve always been loner. I’ve always like to be myself. Lately I’ve been trying to get out more because I don’t know when I really won’t be able to. I don’t know when or if things will change with my life. MS is so unpredictable. You don’t know how long you have because the Dr, can’t really tell you. All they can do is treat your symptoms, and since this disease affects your nerves, some symptoms are irreversible.

this past week I’ve been so tired, no energy to do anything except sleep work and maybe cook. I may have to have my blood checked, to see if my iron, Vit D and Potassium if ok. It sucks not being able to do anything except basically breath. Fatigue is something I never thought about until now. I never really understood it until now. How can you be tired from doing nothing but sleeping? How can you sleep all day, and still want to sleep all night.

why am I so emotional now? Why does it seem like I’m always crying? Why does it feel like I want to scream all the time? Certain things bother me more than it used to. I used to be able to ignore things but now it’s like I have to acknowledge them, I can’t just be like oh well anymore. I have to address it, and then go about my day. A lot of the time that involves me taking a quick break and crying about it, clearing my head and then getting back to my day. Is this because I’m older, is it because of my MS, is it because I’m just tired and don’t know what to do? Since I wrote about it, I didn’t cry so that was a good thing, writing seems to help just like crying. My emotions are all over the place lately, but at least I have a few ways to handle how I’m feeling.

My body is usually in a lot of pain. Every day is a struggle. I started back working out because I think most of us have gained weight over the past year. Plus it’s s good thing to be flexible and to stretch when you have MS. It’s been hard because when I get too hot I get dizzy. It seems as my body gets used to it more, I’m not as disoriented as when I first started. I used to be able to work out for at least an hour with no problem, hopefully I can get back to that point. Sometimes I have to take a break in-between my 30 minute workout, but I get it done. I think I have to just work my body back up to its tolerance, 1 minute at a time.

I wish I knew the answer to this question. I wish the doctors could answer this question. I wish I understood it more. It’s so hard to comprehend what is going on with my body when I don’t really understand it myself. Was this disease just sitting in my body until a few years ago. Did it just develop over the past couple of years. Will it get worse, how bad will it get, will it get better. These are all questions that will never be answered. Sure some of these questions won’t be answered until something happens. All I can do is plan ahead and hope for the best.

I never really knew what this was until now. I’m not sure if it’s because of my MS, but I did not have any issues until a few years ago. I thought it was because of my allergies so I never payed attention to it. Now I have to use lubricating eye drops daily or my eyes will be itchy and blurry. Sometimes I can feel a little pressure, and redness. No easy fix for it, it won’t go away, I’m told it will most likely get worse. When they don’t know, I hate not knowing when to expect things to happen, but it’s what I have to get used to apparently.

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I know you should never wish anything on anyone but, it’s really hard to explain something if that person is not going through what you are. They can say they understand but do they really. If only they could walk in your shoes for a day, then they would understand. I’m tired of explaining my feelings, I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of apologizing for things that take a lot more effort than it used to. I’m tired of explaining why I don’t want to do something right now. You say you understand but do you really. I wish it were that easy to explain, but it’s not. I don’t think it ever will be.