msandmylife.org

Today is a good day, I have not had any flare ups, my vision has not gotten better, but it has not gotten worse. I am still about to work, I can still drive, I can still walk. I am thankful for the little things. The waiting game is getting more easy, I’m not anticipating things as much as I was before. I’m taking it 1 day at a time, because that’s all I can do.

It’s going on 3 years since I was first diagnosed with MS. While dealing with this, I’ve had to deal with Covid, I had to switch jobs because I had to adjust to the changes my body was going through. I’ve had several deaths in my family including my step dad, and finding out someone I trusted was not as trustworthy as I thought. It has been 1 thing after another, and I felt like I wanted to die. I wanted the pain to go away, I wanted to forget what I was going through. I wanted to make this person hurt as much as I was hurting. I had so many hateful things going through my mind. Then I remembered I have kids that were depending on me. I have grand kids, that I love dearly. There are several people in my life who I didn’t want to let down. I decided I couldn’t give up, I decided I can overcome this pain. I was able to confide in 1 person who I knows will always have my best interest at heart. Just being able to talk about what I was going through I was able to cope with what I was going through. Life has not been easy these last few years, but I’m a survivor, I will keep going until I can’t.

it’s hard trying not to be sad all the time. I try not to post a lot of sad things that I’m experiencing but it’s hard. I can’t really explain how I’m feeling if I have to leave out the hard things. I don’t go into detail about everything because it’s too depressing to talk about. I’m still adjusting to what I’m going through. I’m still coping with my diagnosis. It has been 2yrs and it still feels like yesterday. It still feels like I know nothing. It still feels like I have no answers. I still get emotional and cry. It’s hard but I’m getting through it one day at a time.

How am I today. It has been a rough couple of weeks. I have just been keeping to myself and trying to manage. I’m still tired all day, my vision is not getting back to where it was before my diagnosis. I’m not sure if I have any new lesions because I have not had an MRI in a few months. Overall I am still able to work, but I can tell it’s taking a toll on my body. I go see my specialist next month, so I’ll know a little more later.

Normally I have blurry vision in 1 eye. Lately it’s been both eyes, or rotating from left to right. I don’t know if this is my MS progressing because it doesn’t last long, and it doesn’t seem to be getting worse, just problematic at times. Only really affects me if I’m reading, or looking at a bright screen. This could be my dry eyes so not really sure if it’s MS, I will have to mention it to my specialist.

Days are getting easier to manage, I don’t notice the pain in my joints as much. I can push through a lot of tasks that I would normally stop in the middle of doing. I think I’m going to be OK, I think I’m getting used to the pain, I’m getting used to doing things different than before. I’m having more good days than bad days. Days are different than before, but I’m pushing through them just fine.

Sometimes I don’t want to get out the bed. Sometimes I don’t want to do a single thing. Sometimes I can just sit and cry. Am I depressed or am I just having a bad day? Am I just feeling sad for myself, and I just need sometime to myself. It never last long, I can snap out of it after a nap. Why do I keep feeling like this.? Will it ever go away?

My life is a waiting game. I’m waiting to take tests, I have to wait for the results. I have to wait to see if my condition will get worse. I have to wait to do certain things, because of how I’m feeling at the moment. I’m not a very patient person, so having to wait has been hard. It’s stressful, it’s depressing, it can ruin your day. I hate waiting, but the alternative is my condition getting worse, me not being able to take care of myself, me not being able to do the things I used to do. So waiting is just what I have to do.

exercising has gotten a lot harder. I have no energy to do it, and when I do it I get dizzy. Trying to workout without breaking a sweat seems like I shouldn’t even try. I still do it to get my body moving and to stretch. I figure even if I don’t lose weight, I’m doing something. Trying to build up stamina is becoming harder and harder. I just keep putting 1 foot in front of the other.

I never really heard about this until I started working in the health care field. I never really understood it until recently. I noticed my hair was falling out. There is also several reasons this could be happening, but none of them have been confirmed as to the reason why. I read about Autoimmune Alopecia, which could be another reason. I don’t know the reason why yet, my hair is growing in other spots, but falling out in others. I will keep monitoring it before I ask my Dr. Hopefully i will know more soon.